Oh! How the Vege-Tables Have Turned: The Journalism Staff as Vegetables
By Draven St.George
With the Thanksgiving celebration coming to a close, it’s important to remember the large variety of vegetables that helped us get to this point in the year. However, instead of the old-fashioned Pinterest board of different vegetable dishes, this article will display vegetables in a positive light through their unusual connections to our Owasso Rampage staff. You might be thinking, “Why will I ever need to see this article when there are so many other better ones on the website?” However, while that is a good question, the fulfilling satisfaction of answering the long-awaited question “Which vegetable is each person in the journalism staff?” is something that you should be much more concerned with. Also, don’t mind if some of these aren’t technically vegetables; who's going to stop me? The vegetable police? Actually, they have and I’m already in custody.
Julie Allison: Pepper - Julie is very “peppy” and those are basically the same word, also peppers can sometimes be spicy when their authority is argued against.
Kelli Casteel: Rutabaga - Kelli has the passion of a rutabaga with her leadership towards our program. Also, I feel like rutabagas would have bad knees, as well.
ShayLa Blake: Brussels Sprouts - Just like the vegetable, I sometimes forget that part of her name should be capitalized. Also, she “sprouts” to become a whole new person when you talk about Spotify playlists around her.
Aidan Rodriguez: Radish - With someone like Aidan, something spicy would be obvious. But the radish fits more in that she starts out seeming plain and innocent, but the kick comes when you learn more about her beyond the sweatshirt and black leggings she wears every day.
Kai Neuberger: Eggplant - It’s very back and forth for this vegetable; some see it as sophisticated and some see it as the most punk of all the vegetables, just depends on the vibes, I guess.
Ashton Slaughter: Broccoli - Broccoli is very high in calcium, which is good for a sporty man who needs those milky bones. Also, like his last name implies, eating enough broccoli could kill you.
Ian Busking: Asparagus - Long and lean. Just like this cross-country star, this vegetable goes “cross the country” more than any other vegetable (get it, it’s a joke about importing goods, just pretend to laugh and I’ll be on my way).
Jackson Nester: Kale - Just like the vegetable, this man is known for his curls. Also I feel like kale would be really good at catching fish.
Kenzee Hampton: Cucumber - “Cool as a cucumber” the phrase goes, which makes sense for Kenzee. Also, due to Kenzee being an avid swimmer, it means that both she and cucumbers know how to float in water.
Emily McCaslin: Turnip - She refers to herself as an old soul, and turnip seems like a really old vegetable if you ask me. Also, if I were to throw a turnip in the air, it would be on its way to becoming a cheerleader. You go, turnip!
Draven St.George: Potato - Considering my 6th Grade Instagram account was named @potatopancake123, I think this one is self-explanatory. Also, don’t get it confused with sweet potato; I’m not that nice.
Emily Holson: Onion - This choice comes from two things. 1) I don’t like onions and 2) This vegetable makes me cry most out of all the vegetables. Also, I think an onion would make a great Parisian animator.
Libby Booth and Caitlin Locker: Beans - These two are like two peas in a pod, or I guess two beans in a pod (considering they’ve already been quarantined together). If I had to specify, Libby is more of a red bean while Caitlin is more of a black bean. Why? I don’t know, it just makes sense.
Jack Fenner: Carrot - Funny enough, considering Jack is a carrot, he’s probably the one who needs to eat the most carrots out of any of us (It’s a joke about having to wear glasses). Also, I’ve never seen someone give off such strong Vitamin A vibes.
Colin Udall: Corn - They already share three letters, so it seemed instinctive. Also, being a film junkie, what do you eat at the movies? Pop-corn! I’m a genius, I’ve connected all of the pieces. Where’s my Nobel Peace Prize?
In summation: It’s probably for the better that the journalism staff isn’t made up of vegetables because in that case, we wouldn’t have the spectacular talent that we do now. However, all of the students becoming vegetables would make a great news article within itself, and let it be known if that were to ever happen, I would be the one to cover it.